I don’t hide the fact that I am a mother on this website or on the Sexy Politico Podcast, but I don’t like to show off my son’s image on this website, since he’s not what this website is about. But being a mother means that I am inundated with messaging, from family, friends, the news, social media, and the like telling me what sort of mother I should be and what the best way to be a mother is. Am I “woke” enough in this day in age of social change and social awareness?
Being the mother of a non-white male makes me aware of the fact that I am not enough to teach my son everything he needs to know about who he is. I could pay for Mandarin lessons and take him to Chinese New Years’ festivities when COVID restrictions lift, but I will never have that generational cultural knowledge that my husband and his family has and will be the ones to give him. And I am ok with this. I knew I had to be ok with this before I married my husband and had a child with him.
But we are all American, and the history of systemic racism in this country, which has most harshly been thrust upon black people, has also affected Asian Americans. The first immigration ban in this country was against Chinese immigrants. I will never understand the generational trauma that my husband’s family has faced, but my son may one day come home crying from school because a kid made fun of something about him that is intrinsically Asian and I pray that my husband will be home at that moment because any response I give will never be enough, even though all I will want to do is beat the crap out of anyone who hurts my child.
Am I learning enough? I don’t know. I am trying. I am trying to be better, do better and learn more. I don’t know if it is enough, or “woke” enough, but. I am trying my best and that is the best that I can do.