I am going to share a story today not because I am looking for encouragement, but because I feel alone about this, and I don’t want others who feel the same as I did.
Sunday afternoon my husband, my son and I went to the mall. I had $35 dollars in rewards to spend at a store that I like that was having a huge sale. While I am actually about 5–10 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight right now I just can’t stop seeing the woman with the giant belly. My body still doesn’t feel like it’s mine anymore, and I know what I see when I look in the mirror isn’t what my husband or anyone else sees. I don’t think my husband could have convinced EVERY SINGLE ONE of my in-laws to tell me how good I look and how I look like I had lost weight since I had seen them last (our wedding that was pre-pregnancy).
I was standing in the mirror trying on these jeans that were only nine dollars, and the shade of blue I liked. I was only trying them on to make sure they weren’t too long when I started balling. My c-section scar has created this weird fat shelf with my tummy and it just looked to me like my fat was being stuffed into my jeans. I didn’t have a muffin top, I have a lumpy belly now. And looking at that belly just made me feel ugly and disgusting and I had to get out of there as fast as I could.
My husband tried to reassure me, but after another lap in the mall I couldn’t shake that feeling. We ended up going back to that store and getting a sweater that I did need and a belt that I needed. But that feeling of isolation has been gnawing at me. I hope that sharing this story is helpful for someone else.