Features & Essays

Marriage and a New Baby

Having a baby within the first year of marriage is hard. Or maybe just having your first child can be hard on a marriage period, I’m not trying to be any sort of an expert. One is expected to take care of this helpless life, whom you hopefully love unconditionally and keep a marriage, work, social and sex life on the table. It feels like juggling way too many balls (pun intended) all at once.

My husband and I are not perfect. We have taken our frustrations and anger out on each other. This, I know, is not good. Sometimes I think, the real blow ups are necessary. As a mom you feel like you have to be perfect. Your kid has to do specific things by a specific age, and only eat organic food and play with specific toys. And the judgement is real, from strangers, to family and everyone in between. I cannot imagine what my husband feels. I know he doesn’t feel mom shame, but he must feel “provider shame” or “dad shame” being the sole breadwinner in our family.

I think we sometimes get in our own heads for so long that we cannot see the sunlight, and have to break down our own or our partner’s walls in order to get to the root of the issue. Nothing is ever going to be perfect, but I resolve to say thank you more to my husband. It feels like a start, also asking my sister in law to babysit more than once a month.

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