COVID-19 Feelings

Trying to be productive during this pandemic has been difficult. I am going to tell all of you some things that you already feel I am sure. But maybe by writing these feeling down and sharing them, I will feel less alone.

For those of you who don’t follow me on social media I am married to a person who works in the public school system here in the DMV, and we have an almost two year old son. I stay a home with my son because daycare prices are ridiculous. My husband has been off of work since the middle of March, and as of right now, he won’t be at work again until the end of April. Although the both of us think that date will be extended as well. None of my son’s grandparents live near us, but we do have one sibling that lives near us.

The first question that I have received is, isn’t having your husband home just like summer vacation? No. First of all, during summer vacation we can go or do anything we want. Our parents live plane rides away from us, and we usually visit one or both of our parents over the summer. We take trips. We hang out with friends. My husband may love that Animal Crossing just came out, but everyone is feeling cooped up.

I know that my little family is privileged. We are not worried about food. At some point, my husband will be working from home part-time, and while that will hit our income, we will be fine for a time. We are blessed that there are a lot of state parks and fields that we can take our son to, so he can run his energy off.

I have had battles with undiagnosed anxiety or maybe depression. And there are a lot of moments during this pandemic that is hard. I am afraid for my parents, my in-laws and our grandparents. My mother is immunocompromised, my in-laws own a grocery store and my husband’s grandparents live with them, and my grandmother lives in an assisted care facility and my aunties can’t visit her. I am scared that either my husband or I will catch this virus from some off-handed interaction while we go to the grocery store or some place that we have to go to, and will give it to our son. I am scared at the state of our government, to the point that I had to delete the news app off of my phone and ask my husband what is going on in the world.

Being productive while entertaining a toddler is hard. The days that the weather doesn’t cooperate with us makes it even harder. It is also harder to be be productive and objective while all of the thoughts and feelings are swirling inside your head.

I have been trying to finish the book my husband gave me as a gift before my son was born. My husband had me create my own littler house and person on animal crossing. Our house has never had more clean clothes ever. I am also trying to cook more and be more creative with the ingredients that we already have.

I am more anxious for this virus right now. I am not anxious for after the virus. I think the societal changes this virus will bring will be good for the country. Hopefully there will be more access to working from home and distance learning. People will feel a need for human connection and we will appreciate each other more. Those are my. hopes for the future, I am just scared that some that I love may not be able to see it.